Life is hard, and Second Life is no exception. I feel rejected by most of society in this world. Most people seem to expect me to be a representation of my real life counterpart, but that's something I can't possibly do. Nobody seems to accept me, Catherine Moody, for who I am.
Perhaps that is depression speaking. Really, things haven't gone too badly. Most of my relationships have been very positive. People seem to like me. Why, then, does it hurt me so much whenever anyone says a harsh word? I suppose it's because I'm afraid of offending others. Deathly afraid.
What was responsible for this bout of soul-searching? Probably the incident at the Shelter ... I felt that I wasn't wanted around, that people didn't want me to have normal conversations. Perhaps I should have taken my conversation partner aside and spoken more softly. What did I do wrong? Did I hurt anyone?
I left the bustle of Shelter for the tranquillity of the library plaza on Information Island, and sat down on the cool marble to begin contemplating funeral arrangements yet again. Today, however, there were visitors, and a bespectacled but attractive young librarian was showing them around. She had an air of quiet dignity, and she spoke clearly in complete sentences with full punctuation and capitalization. There was an aura of power about her, and I trembled, feeling that she could unleash great punishment upon me if I messed with her. But I also felt the presence of Reason in her.
Eventually we got into a conversation, and she gave me directions to a coffee shop. [....minor details to be inserted later.......]
Unexpectedly, she offered me a hug. I accepted, and for a brief moment I felt that warm ecstatic glow that one gets from contact with another soul. Then she was gone, leaving me floating a few centimeters off the ground with my arms around thin air, eyes closed. I remained that way until the moment of de-rezzing, when my world shut down around me.
When one is in the deepest despair, sometimes, out of nowhere, comes a ray of hope. And so here I am, still clinging on to that hope, hanging on to my second life.
C. Moody, 2007-1-1
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